Putting his money where his mouth is
How the man finds the time to do all these things is beyond me, but, prior to his rather eventful evening in Berkeley, right-wing troublemaker and official Donald Trump #1 Fan Milo Yiannopoulos (whose name I can finally spell under my own power) headed to the southern border with a crew of shirtless musclemen to get started building that wall we’ve heard so much about.
No, that’s true.
As of press time, it’s unclear how many Mexicans have actually been kept out by Milo’s wall, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts. And in this case, I’m fairly sure the thought was "let’s make a minute-long video of sweaty shirtless men," since there’s a whole lot more slow-motion footage of dudes carrying bricks around than there is footage of the actual wall. As for Milo himself, he mainly sits in the background sipping champagne and watching the other dudes work, which is perfect. Does Milo smoke? He should start, just so he can puff on a cigar while giving orders to his work crew.
MILO wears Lunar Force 1 Duckboot by Nike, $165. Sportswear tech fleece windrunner by Nike, $130. Sportswear tech fleece men’s joggers by Nike, $100. Glasses by Givenchy, $350. Snake embossed leather baseball hat by Gucci, $560.
I had no idea it cost more than a thousand dollars to look like you rolled out of bed with a wicked hangover and pulled on whatever you could find. Darien, for reference, wears Vans X Nintendo Super Mario skate shoes, $65. Suit trousers by Claiborne, $85. Polo shirt by Van Heusen, who knows how much because I got it a zillion years ago. Black leather jacket also by Van Heusen, $50 because it was crazy on sale. Glasses by Marchon, $950. Sparkly hair elastics by Scünci, $3. Who spent more money to look like a total goofball? You make the call!
Last Week in What Do Words Mean Anyhow
For many young adults, it can be difficult to maintain stable, monogamous relationships, especially in the college environment. This is no surprise; you’re young and stupid, your hormones are raging, you’re suddenly free of the parental yoke, you’re probably on way too many mind-altering substances, and you’re frankly bored out of your head with nothing better to do. As such, your humble narrator has nothing but the greatest respect for the University of North Florida, which has actually bucked the crazy new-left educational trend and is conducting a workshop during its ridiculous "sex week" intended to help the students discover an "ethical alternative to cheating."
The University of North Florida’s annual "Sex Week" will feature an event on "polyamory" for those students searching for "ethical non-monogamy as an alternative to cheating."
… Wait, what? Let me read that again. That can’t say what I thought it said.
The University of North Florida’s annual "Sex Week" will feature an event on "polyamory" for those students searching for "ethical non-monogamy as an alternative to cheating."
The workshop, "Polyamory vs. Cheating: Lessons from a Former Serial Monogamist," will be taught by a representative from the "Relationship Equality Foundation," which purports to "provide outreach, education, and support for those involved in or seeking relationships with non-traditional structures."
So when I said I have "nothing but the greatest respect" for the University of North Florida, that was a Bowling Green Massacre-type mistake on my part. What I meant to say was that, even though nobody was actually killed, this was nonetheless a reprehensible event.
Now, sure, one could argue that I’m just playing games with semantics, but, if so, I’m in good company, as apparently the university has decided that the "ethical alternative to cheating" is cheating tarted up with a bunch of empty feel-good jargon. Redefine being a massive slut in terms of leftist buzzwords and it’s no longer cheating! I wonder if that works with taxes, too.
But what about this "Relationship Equality Foundation?" There’s no way they could be a bunch of madcap commies, right? To help you answer this difficult question, here’s a sample from the official bio of one of the outfit’s directors, a woman who is wearing cat ears in her official picture and pretends to be called "Joreth Innkeeper:"
Her current network configuration is that of a sprawling inclusive poly web that spans 3 countries on 2 continents, in which Joreth practices solo poly with several deeply intimate long-term partners. Joreth’s uses [sic] female pronouns like she and her but male titles like sir and cameraman (her profession), however male pronouns are also acceptable while female titles are not [entire sentence sic]. Her gender identity is complex, so ask her about it if you’re curious.
Your humble narrator likes role-playing games as much as the next guy, but… actually, apparently not.
Fair and balanced
I need to put a disclaimer on this one. Some people have, in the past, mistaken me for a Trump supporter. While I’m reasonably fond of Donald Trump as a dude — he’s funny, he’s an absolutely awe-inspiring self-promoter, and he has no patience with official niceties — the most positive thing I’ve ever said about his presidency is "maybe he won’t blow up the whole world," which: if anyone has ever been damned with faint praise, that was an example. No, I am no supporter of Donald Trump, but above anything I am a journalism critic, and, since the mainstream press has been so relentlessly dishonest and one-sided in its portrayal of Trump, I’ve spent more than a year attacking their attacks. This does not appear likely to change any time soon.
Showing President Trump holding the severed head of the Statue of Liberty in one hand and a blooded knife in the other, the cartoon was produced for the magazine [Der Spiegel] by United States-based Cuban artist Edel Rodriguez. The design follows a number of other covers and articles by the magazine, one of Europe’s largest, which have been highly critical of Trump, both during the election campaign and after his election…
In creating the picture, illustrator and erstwhile Time art director Redriguez said "It’s a beheading of democracy, a beheading of a sacred symbol", when speaking to the Washington Post about his work.
Stay classy, Der Spiegel! Of course, it’s worth noting that the German mag runs uniformly-critical covers of American presidents. Why, take this one, published shortly after the election of Barack Obama, which billed him as "president of the world." Then there’s this one from after the election, which talks about how Barrold and Michelle Obama are really like having two presidents for the price of one, and they’ll make the whole world great again. Those are both pretty… oh, those are puff pieces, huh. Well, still, I bet they were really ferocious to the last Republican president, right? Actually, no, he didn’t make the cover at all, neither in 2000 nor in the relatively eventful year that followed. It’s almost like Der Spiegel — a German weekly — was focused on Germany, rather than on electoral politics on the other side of the world.
Donald Trump has been president for two weeks. He has been on the cover of Der Spiegel seven times. That’s probably some sort of record. No points for guessing how many of those portrayals have him in a positive light.
The shocking front page image accompanies a lead article which claims quite matter-of-factly that "The president of the U.S. is a racist. He is attempting a coup from the top; he wants to establish an illiberal democracy, or worse; he wants to undermine the balance of power".
Wouldn’t that be nice? A whole lot of Trump supporters sent him to Washington explicitly in the hopes that he would indeed "undermine the balance of power." But just in case that’s not enough horribly obvious yellow journalism for you, Der Spiegel will happily provide your daily two-minute hate, complete with several other paeans to the cult idol "democracy" — a thread that runs through all the creepy denunciations of Trump. And people were worried about the crazy "spirit cooking" the Democratic party was getting up to. This democracy-worship is the real dangerous cult, guys. For pity’s sake. Read a book.
Hack the planet!
Not content with hacking all of our elections and our precious retro video games, those thrice-cursed Russians have now committed an even graver sin: they hacked the Super Bowl. What else could explain the entirely hilarious, impossible comeback win of Donald Trump’s New England Patriots? It’s a charming analogy, really: Russians hacked the election, incorrectly assigning the presidency to Donald Trump like we’re all assigned sexes at birth, and upsetting the rightful victory of… whatever xer name is. Russians subsequently hacked the Super Bowl, assigning the win to the Trumpiots instead of… whatever that other team was. The Chappaqua Banshees, I think.
Of course, another charming thing the two stories have in common is that they were made up by crazy people. The Super Bowl fanfic was written by the world-famous me, whereas the former… well, I think you know who wrote it. And, stunningly, I was right all along: the whole story was rubbish.
Three brothers who managed office information technology for members of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence and other lawmakers were abruptly relieved of their duties on suspicion that they accessed congressional computers without permission.
Brothers Abid, Imran, and Jamal Awan were barred from computer networks at the House of Representatives Thursday, The Daily Caller News Foundation Investigative Group has learned.
Abid, Imran, and Jamal… yeah, those names sound pretty Russian to me. Caught you red-handed, comrades! Get it? Get it??
Okay, I know. Jumping straight from this reveal to the assumption that the Shades of Awan were the DNC hackers is pretty badly unwarranted. There’s really, really not enough evidence to reach that conclusion. Which is exactly my point: there’s a whole lot more reason to blame the Awani Wind Walkers than there is to blame non-specific "Russians," but that never stopped the fearless crusaders for truth in the mainstream press! I’m starting to think that whole story might have been a lie. Maybe I should stop talking about it before I shoot myself with two different guns and leave two separate suicide notes, though.
In conclusion: Trump!
You’re going to call me a Trump supporter again, but I can’t resist pointing this out.
O’REILLY: But he’s a killer, though. Putin’s a killer.
TRUMP: There are a lot of killers. We’ve got a lot of killers. What do you think — our country’s so innocent?
That’s exactly what I mean.