Interesting world we find ourselves in, this, what with both major-party presidential candidates claiming that the election is rigged. On the one hand, we have Hillary von Parkinson, Duchess of Slime, beating the war drums by reassuring her supporters that the Soviet Union still exists, and this time it’s hacked into all the elections! Much though I appreciate the incoherent idea that Donald Trump is at once a Nazi and a Soviet, I am still compelled to note that, contra what you may be led to believe, World War II ended a while ago.
On the other hand, Donald Trump has just scandalized the mainstream media — which is to say: the Hillary 4 Eva Super PAC — by refusing to accept the results of an election that hasn’t happened yet. According to the paid Democratic Party interns that pretend to journalism for Politico, this is an unreasonable statement that could destroy democracy and the office of the president, whatever that means. Don’t get me wrong, now: I’m 100% in favor of that outcome, but it’s not going to occur. But just think for a minute: what exactly is Politico so worked up about? Imagine you and I are in a big connect-the-dots tournament, and, three weeks before the tournament is held, I come to you and ask “hey, will you promise to accept that I’m not cheating no matter what happens?” What’s your answer going to be? Are you sufficiently credulous to say yes to that? What if, instead of a plastic "Best Try 2016" trophy, the prize were billions of dollars and world domination? Obviously nobody’s going to agree in advance that the contest necessarily will be fair. Per usual, this is a bunch of nonsensical manufactured outrage.
All of which is not to mention, of course, the fact that the very last time a Republican won a presidential election, the Democratic candidate, his party, and the same media outlets now pretending to be outraged screamed bloody murder about election fraud, complete with candidate Al Gore refusing to accept the results — oh, and some obscure senator from New York is also on record refusing to accept the election results. As I recall, the outcome could hardly be described as the presidency being even faintly weakened, much less "destroyed." If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect that the media’s non-stop adulation for Gore and hatred of Trump has less to do with pure objective truth than with perhaps one or two other factors.
Also I guess we’ve neglected to mention that James O’Keefe over at Project Veritas has done yeoman’s work gathering ironclad proof that, yes, the Democrats are engaged in large-scale voter fraud. Here’s one entry in his explosive series of videos (n.b.: a lot of these guys have a bad, bad case of potty mouth):
Whoops missus! I got in a heap of trouble last time I mentioned that the elections are fraudulent, but what’s life without a bit of trouble, anyhow? This time I have videos, too. Plus, in case you’re president Obama and Project Veritas is insufficiently "curated" for your tastes, I’ve brought an article from the Daily Caller of all things explaining that voting machines in at least sixteen states are controlled by an outfit run by Lord Mark Malloch-Brown, a crony of George Soros who has deep personal connections to — surprise! — Hillary Clinton. It also mentions that existing areas "serviced" by this outfit’s machines have "lately been subject to criticism for voter fraud." Tucker Carlson’s highly-paid sanitation engineers failed to provide any links or footnotes or documentation of any sort for this claim, which was super helpful, but, in fairness to them, it’s hardly front page news that elections in Chicago are crooked.
Perhaps it’s also worth mentioning that president Obama himself has advanced the idea of putting the Department of Homeland Security in charge of all elections. The Department of Homeland Security is, of course, an executive agency ultimately answerable to and controlled by the sitting president. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest that this could create just a hair of conflict of interest.
I wish to make one thing perfectly clear. What I am absolutely not saying is any of the following:
- The Republicans don’t cheat at elections too
- The establishment has unlimited power to manipulate elections
- There is a shadowy cabal controlling all world affairs
I’m also not saying that electoral fraud is the worst crime Hillary Clinton has ever committed. Oh, apropos of nothing, the doctor who handled the anesthesia when Hillary Clinton was in for her latest round of completely-unrelated-to-Parkinson’s-disease brain surgery just died under mysterious circumstances, though not circumstances quite mysterious enough to bother investigating. All together now: what an astonishing coincidence!